I just finished reading the book With or Without You: a spirtual journey through love and divorce by Cameron Conant. Not typically the kind of book that I would read, but since our church receives a batch of books geared to the young adult crowd and the fact that I enjoy the memoir style books, I read throught it quickly. (There were also U2 lyrics at the beginning of every chapter...)The memoir style books, if that is what you call them...what is a memoir vs. and autobiography? In the age of weblogs and so-called reality TV, it is interesting to read about other peoples experience and realities. These types of books are popular right now.
This book was very painful to read as we follow the author as he meets his future wife and has a shakey dating relationship, followed by a hesitant marriage, and then a full-blown divorce. There are no happy endings, the writer is going through a lot of pain and feels like he is damaged goods for being a victim of divorce. He does his best to not be too biased and explores all of his faults without going too deep into hers.
But ouch! I never want to go there, and I thank God for the wife I have and the all grace she gives me through all of my mistakes and selfishness.
This book is fresh. I believe it was written not even a year after the divorce. There is not the seperation of years to add perspective. It is raw and real.
I also just found that the author has a blogspot. (to add to the story.)
7 comments:
Golden and I joke about almost everything. Divorce is one thing that we don't joke about.
I can't imagine going through it.
Forrest, I only met you one time at Dash and T's house...but thank you for taking the time to read something like this...even though it may not apply to you directly.
As a single mom...and divorced woman...its even hard to pick out a new church, not knowing the general view of divorced people.
A couple of ladies just heard more of my story tonight...and it wasn't told to see a devastated look on their face...it was simple facts. But I guess once you go through something so horrific and emotional...it is unfathomable to others on the outside.
I am sure God will bless your efforts, in being open and understanding to those that may come into your life that have gone down the road of divorce.
Jadee,
Have you read this book? Do you find it hard to relate to people in the church or for them to relate to you and your circumstances.
Do you feel like and outcast or failure? (I only ask that because that is what the author is experiencing.) He was saying that he wants to find a church for losers. Those who have messed up and are flawed and don't try to pretend that their lives are all perfect. So many people in church act like their lives are altogether, which we know is not true, because we won't be perfected until we see Him.
It must be difficult. Honestly, I don't know any divorced people who come to our church - SAD! (not because of our church, I sure we would love and accept - but we don't have a divorced ministry.)
You might check out his blogsite. There seem to be a few people who comment who have all gone down that same road.
I'd have to give it a read. Sounds interesting. What song better to reflect the turmoil of a divorce than "With or Without You"
Thanks for the encouragement, Forrest! And yes, I ended up reading his entire blog from his first posting...I experienced every emotion thinkable. Then I sent him an email...thanking him for his candidness.
But I am going to go buy his book. The only thing that I presume will be different for me to read it...is that I have been through most of those stages and been divorced much longer than he has. My concerns (not having read the book...but only his postings) that it seems he is going through much remorse from his "girlfriend" that followed his divorce. So in my personal opinion, if he would have taken more time between his divorce and girlfriend...maybe it would not have been as devastating. AGAIN, purely opinion gathered from his postings. AND I am still not clear which "she" he is blogging about alot of the times...
I think I should post a blog about this...so I can better express myself...otherwise your comment section is going to take too long to upload...LOL!
But, yes, it is really hard to find a place to "fit in" for friendships. Because I am technically not "single"...having been married and with kids. But I am not married...because I am single and no significant other for events. Then again...I am a parent with kids....and to relate with other families with kids my boys' ages...puts me back into the "single" grouping again. LOL!
Oh yeah...and the Single Mom's Ministry idea...but if its not set up correctly...it only breeds more "unhealthiness"!!!!! And that is NOT from opinion...but from actual experience!
I will have to say that I agree with Jadee on the Single mom's ministry. They need to be incorporated in a church not isolated. By the isolation you are putting a lot of people who have a lot of struggles and opinions from hurt and rejection into one group and they tend to feed off one another. From what I have observed---from Jadee's experiences!
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